Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
