He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
