Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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