It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
