$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
