You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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