She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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