So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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