I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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