I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
