I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
