Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
