the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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