At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
