Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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