you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
