so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
