K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
