Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
