im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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