there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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