I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
