Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
