oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
