I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
