My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
