i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
