Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
