Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
