I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Actions speak louder than pants.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
