i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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