just come out here and I will go home with you...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
