He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
