you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
