I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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