Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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