How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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