she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
