just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
