I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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