Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
