i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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