Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
