I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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