it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
