Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
