dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found your dick twin last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
