i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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