Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
