He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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