Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
