i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
