Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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