we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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