she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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