We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
