i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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