Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
